Friday, March 20, 2015

Nick Bruel's Letter to SPRING

Dear Spring,

Okay.  So, where was I?  What?  Who said that?

Oh.  Right.

Dear Spring,

Hi.  How’s it going?  It’s been a long winter, and everyone here is really happy to see you.  Really happy.  I don’t know - maybe it was something I said, but Winter was especially brutal this year.  Maybe you heard.

I mean, who doesn’t love Spring?  All that gray and white turns into color everywhere.  And now it’s warm enough to go outside and play and have fun and enjoy yourself and play and have fun and play and do whatever you want!  Lots of color.  Lots of fun.  And lots of… what?

I’m forgetting something.

Where was I?


Oh.  Right.

Dear Spring,

Hi.  How’s it going?  I’m sorry if I sound a little weird, but I’m having a lot of trouble concentrating these days.  My allergies are really starting to kick in and I’ve had to take all sorts of allergy medicine just to function at the most rudimentary level.  “Non-drowsy” my big, fat, hairy blankety-blank.  Yesterday I fell asleep while getting ice cream out of the freezer.  A frozen chicken was my pillow.  It remained stuck to my cheek until it thawed a bit and fell off 40 minutes later.

But I don’t really have any choice.  If I don’t take the medication my eyes water up and get all puffy.  Then my nose gets all runny and puffy.  Everything that is a part of me leaks and gets swollen, Spring! Everything!  I’m not exaggerating.  Use your imagination.  It’s because of all this pollen out…

That’s it!  Pollen!

Lots of color.  Lots of fun.  And lots of Pollen!

Why do you need to have so much pollen, Spring?  I know it’s good for the flowers and the bees and all that, but surely there must be a better way. 

I know you can do it, Spring.  You can work without all the pollen and still make everything look just as beautiful and festive as ever.  You’ve already done it!  Think about it this way… there are daffodils and there’s goldenrod.  Both are a beautiful shade of yellow.  Both grow plentiful along the side of the road.  But only one makes me want to pry my eyes out of my head and soak them in ice water if only to distract myself from the pain.

Sorry, Spring.  I really don’t mean to complain so much.  I’m glad you’re here.  Really.  It’s just that maybe you could turn down the pollen volume a bit this year.  Maybe you could talk to the flowers and ask them to hold it in a bit more.  Or maybe the bees could be a little less… I don’t know… bee-like.  I don’t even know what that means.  What the heck is “bee-like”?  I don’t know.  I really want to take a nap.

Where was I?

Oh.  Right.

Dear Spring,

Hi.  How’s it goinfl?  It’s beeeeen a lont winklps, and eveslbpsnd hrrr is xlwlksdfsdksgklsmpsfdfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

[Note: Nick Bruel was found unconscious and face down on top of his laptop keyboard.  This post is presented in its full, unedited, and incoherent entirety.  All incomprehensible ramblings belong entirely to the author and should not be allowed to reflect on the quality of this fine blog.]

Thank you, Nick, for this hilarious post! -John

I am giving away a signed copy of A Wonderful Year

Rules for the Giveaway 

1. It will run from 3/20 to 11:59 p.m. on 3/23. 

2. You must be at least 13. 

3. If you win, please pay it forward. 

Borrow A Wonderful Year from your school or public library. Whenever possible, please support independent bookshops. 

1 comment:

  1. A super, fun, timely post . . . especially as NY gets 4-6 inches of snow! Happy Spring!